Am I Worth It?

I often ask myself,
Am I worth it?
Am I worth the pain?
Am I worth the trouble?
What is there to gain?

Why would you go all out for me
When I didn’t ask for it;
When I need someone beside me,
Without question, there you’ll be?

Every single time I apologise,
For every favour, every sacrifice.
‘Don’t say sorry, say thank you.’
Why are you so nice?

Am I worth it?
Am I worth the pain?
Am I worth the trouble?
What is there to gain?

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January Musings & Books

The month of January onwards has been especially tough for me. January was the month of reflection, understanding my place in this world and among the people around me.

Recently I have been feeling very down, and my confidence is at a new low. I have been crying very easily, over every little thing that touches or hurts me.  Sleeping has become a problem for me, I cannot fall asleep until 2, 3 a.m. and I always wake up by 8 a.m, and it’s not because I have work to do, but of the constant tossings and turnings in bed.

As the new year slowly sinks in, the feeling of losing one of the most important people in my life is now greater and greater. How could I not feel significantly empty, when a huge part of me have been ripped off? I thought with time, wounds can heal, but I feel that it is only getting bigger, infecting every part of my body. Besides people, I am also adjusting to a same-but-different school environment, and it has not been good so far. For some reason, I feel like I have lost all sense of direction, and take no pride in anything I do. Overall, I seem to have lost myself and I wish I can find it back.

Sorry for the sappy intro, let’s end things on a brighter note by sharing with everyone two books I read in January.

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Thoughts on “The Greatest Showman” [May include spoilers]

Decided to just list down a few thoughts on this movie that surfaced in my mind while watching and after watching the movie. There may be spoilers from here onwards, so I suggest you read the rest of this post only if you have already watched the movie, or have no intentions to watch it at all. Also, I am not going to comment on the historical accuracy of the movie, as that will be another issue altogether. I will just be giving my thoughts based on the movie alone.

I only watched the movie yesterday, and it was pretty rare that a movie could still be rolling for more than a month in the cinema. While many of my friends have watched it before me, and having seen a few reviews, the general consensus regarding “The Greatest Showman” was that the music, visuals and cast were great, but the story was lacking. I have also heard several of the songs beforehand and I really liked them, so overall I was really looking forward to finally watch the movie.  Read More

THREE Revelations About Drinking

After a drinking session today I realised:

1. I get drunk more easily when I drink when I’m sad.

2. If I pretend to feel drunk while drinking I’ll really get drunk.

3. Found out that my limit is half a bottle of red wine (while I can still stay sane). Any more and I won’t be able to walk.

I Had a Dream

I dreamt about you last night in my sleep. It’s been the first time in quite a while.

In my dream, you came back, as if nothing had happened a long time ago. Whenever we were with each other, it felt like we were in our own little world.

In my dream, you were seeing someone else, someone you didn’t love as much. You asked me to run away with you, to somewhere where it’s just the two of us.

In my dream, we were hanging out together, like as before, except in a foreign land. We were going to the places we loved to eat, and then a long walk at the park.

In my dream, you were always there for me, my pillar of support. I was in the lowest period of my life, and you stood by me, telling me everything would be alright. You held me close to you, and I shed a few tears.

In my dream, it felt like we meant the world to each other, a world where we thought that we will never part from each other. It was as if, we were going back to the past again, except that we knew exactly what we were feeling about each other.

It’s been two hours since I woke up, and images from the dream continue to resurface in my mind.

I asked myself, if time were to go back, would I still have fallen for you? Yes.

It started with just a crush which went away quickly, but I never thought it will become something more in the first place, and my feelings for you have brought immense joy and pain to my life that will impact me for the rest of my life.

After the dream, I suddenly missed you a lot. I wish I have the courage to ask you out, just for a bit. I just want to see you and talk to you again.

Yet another half of me feels guilty for thinking that way. I feel conflicted inside.

[FoodforEva] My Favourite Cake from Starbucks

I have been going to Starbucks quite often these days, which is quite a huge change for me. In the past, I used to lament about how overpriced Starbucks is, and how people are blindly throwing their money to an establishment. Soon, I find myself coming to Starbucks quite often, not because of the drinks and food, but for the environment.

Agree with me or not, but I find it quite a conducive place for study dates. On less busy days, Starbucks is quite nice- not too noisy and not too quiet, enough for me to concentrate on getting work done while still being able to have a conversation every now and then. It’s also a good place to be in between appointments, or when I have a long break and have nowhere to go. I like to just sit there and chill with a drink and good book to accompany me. Lately, I found another good reason to come to Starbucks. Read More