6 Months On, It Still Hurts

Life is never perfect, we may never get what we desire, or things may never turn out the way we want it. While people choose to chase after perfection or give up entirely if they realise they can never get what they want, I choose to accept the things that are happening to me and make the best out of them.

Sometimes, we can only choose one out of the two, it’s that or the other. When we can only choose one, we forgo the other. As much as we want both, some circumstances only allow us to pick one.

If the two options are people and we can only choose one, the other will inevitably be hurt.

Life is never perfect, in an ideal world I could have chosen both or neither at all. I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone- it hurts me too. If I have to make just one choice, I’ll make that choice, and then try to make the best out of whatever situation that arises afterwards. If I didn’t pick the other option, it’s not that it’s a bad option. I had no choice, but to just pick one, so I’ll go for the one that’s best for me at that moment. It sucks to make that choice, it sucks to be selfish.

What hurts even more, is when I’m trying so hard to make things work and circumstances are not letting me. I hurt someone I want to treasure, I try to make up, but that person is not letting me. As a result, I’m forever drowned in guilt. I feel guilty for what I’ve done, and I feel helpless for not being able to do anything about it. That person might have gotten over it and is now happy for the choice that I have made, but I can never get over it.

To me, goodbye is not an option, friendships are forever if they mean anything in the first place. He may have given up on me, but I will never give up on him.

6 months on, life has changed, but deep down I am still deeply hurt.

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