Based on my experiences; also, a note to self.
1. Tell them everything, exactly what they did/ what happened, in chronological order, as if you’re narrating a story. Leave no gaps and doubts. Also, thinking about what to say will also help you check whether if this issue is even worth pointing out/be unhappy about.
2. Don’t say anything they didn’t do.
3. Tell them exactly how their actions made you feel. Do you feel sad? Disappointed? Make them realise that they weren’t being nice, without directly telling them that they’re being an ass. No accusations, just descriptions.
4. If you’re unhappy about something they did, NEVER accuse them of something/labelling them. You may feel that they’re being a certain way, but what if they aren’t like that? If your good friend accidentally forgot to invite you to a party, don’t accuse them of not caring about you anymore. They’ll just be defensive/get pissed at you. Worse, they will never think what they did is wrong and neglect your feelings completely. So it isn’t worth anything.
5. If someone made you angry/sad, never tell them straightaway, not when you’re emotional. Tell them once you’ve cooled down. It’s easier because (1) You tend to be more careful with your words and say it in a calm manner and (2) If the other party becomes agitated, it won’t affect you so much, it’ll just make themselves look bad.
6. If you wait a little longer, who knows for some circumstances they might even realise they made a mistake without you needing to tell them.
7. Be specific, but also very careful with your tone and words. People can get really sensitive and defensive and try to explain a lot of things and neglect the fact that you’re disappointed in the first place.
8. As much as possible, avoid airing your grievances through text, for many good reasons, such as (1) People might misunderstand your tone (after all, people do not like it when others are angry at them) and (2) You’ll tend to rant/be even more angry and careless about your words and tone.
9. Therefore, it’s best to tell them in person. Meet them up for coffee or a meal, food makes everyone a little happier. If not, give them a call, when it’s a good time to talk, not when they’re in the middle of something or when they’re already having a bad day.
10. If they get agitated, calm down and give them some time to process. If they really care about you, and if you tell them nicely, they shouldn’t get pissed.
Hope I didn’t miss out anything.
Writing this is so therapeutic for some reason.
Till next time, take care everyone.